The Breakup

The first real breakup that I experienced, was tough.  Although in reality, I was super young, both in age and thought process, and had no clue the various breakups that would follow, the first one hurt.  Arguably, the first breakup hurt more due to the feeling of failure than the loss of love.  And if I’m honest with myself and with you, the hurt associated with many of the one’s that followed had less to do with love and more to do with failure.  I began to think about how breakups affect the heart and the mind.  The subsequent affects play a huge role on how we move forward after the breakup.  There are a couple of guys that honestly would have gotten the deadliest stare down due to the toxicity of the relationship and how I felt during and after.  However, the reality is that I was more angry with myself for allowing certain things to happen.

Thinking back, there were relationships that I knew I needed to end sooner rather than later, but I didn’t.  There were actions being performed that should have been unacceptable, but I accepted them.  There were words being said to me that should have never been said, but I allowed it.  I created a culture that said, yes, you can continue this behavior and I will take you back, act like I am fine.  I allowed these things because I thought it was love that I was afraid of losing.  But it wasn’t love that kept me there, it was the fear of failure.  Failing to keep the man, failing to be loved, failing to love enough…just failing!

There are certain ideals that we all have in regards to the perfect relationship and perfect life.  There are times in our lives that we will put up with a lot of things that are contrary to who we are on the inside but fit the persona that we have created on the outside.  Until what we surround ourselves with externally, matches who we are internally, we will me miserable trying to balance the two!  There were times when the strong person that I had grown to be, faded to the background in order to maintain the appearance of winning at love.  It wasn’t until years later that love showed itself to be something completely different.  What became really real to me was I needed to breakup with my ideas and the need to just win at all costs.  It wasn’t the person that I needed to be released from, but I needed to breakup with the expectations that I had developed.  Perhaps the issue was more of me placing the expectations of the person I was meant to be with, the one God intended for me, onto the person who was only there as a lesson.

There came a point where in the relationship that even though I knew it should be over, I decided to stay because my expectations told me that this was what God wanted.  Not God, not true!  In Luke 22:42 Jesus prayed “Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done.”  Jesus wanted to fulfill His purpose, but at this point wanted there to be another way.  However, not if it was not God’s will.  The biggest problem with a lot of us in how we make decisions is that we never take the time to seek God’s will.  We never inquire if the thing we are in is even His will for our lives.  There are times where we are meant to endure, but often times we stay too long.  We refuse to break up with ourselves and the plans that WE made.  Ultimately, we carry a cross that was never meant for us to carry or we carry it past Calvary!

What are some areas in your life that you need to breakup with?

What are some people or habits that you need to breakup with?

Most times, it is not necessarily a person that we need to breakup with but our ideals and expectations.  I believe that once that breakup occurs, then our attachment to the other things will fall away.  Once we allow God’s will to be what we are attached to, then we will begin to see our external match our internal.  The danger arises when we have more belief in our expectations of man than we have hope in God.  Proverbs 23:18 says There is surely a future hope for you, and your hope will not be cut off.  When we align our hope with God’s will, we can begin facing failure or even a breakup knowing that our hope and future is not cut off!

It’s time to breakup with fear!  It’s time to breakup with failure!  It’s time to breakup with guilt!  It’s time to breakup with depression!  It’s time to breakup with addiction!  It’s time to breakup with all the things that come to prevent us from elevating, growing, and becoming who we were designed to be!  The things you breakup with now have no claim to your future!

Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

Declare this over your life:  I am breaking up with the things of today, to become who I need to be tomorrow!

Be blessed y’all!

Alicia Owen

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