Today…today I almost broke. I almost reached my breaking point. Not just because of the things that occurred today. Everyone has a breaking point. But no one knows when that point will occur or what will make it occur. But for me, today brought on a flood of suppressed frustrations that I had convinced myself that I had been managing quite well. Frustrating things, that are seemingly small, but when bundled up like a snowball cascading down a hundred thousand foot mountain, can barrel down onto you with the force and weight of that very same mountain.
What became apparent to me through various situations over the last couple of months, is that we often times carry a truth that is based on our intended actions and not the reality of what is actually happening or what has happened. We (I ), call ourselves (myself) w(h)ole but there are holes in our perceived wholeness. These holes are due to various things like the inability to self reflect, lack of accountability, and internal blind spots. Many of us are still wounded and broken kids wearing adult uniforms who have not gained the tools necessary to heal. Our (my) idea of healing is to act or pretend that the offense didn’t offend or hurt because that would mean that the offender had power in some way. But doing this type of reverse psychology on oneself is dangerous because it paints a picture in our (my) mind(s) that we’re (I’m) okay. Only to have a day like today reveal to us (me) that we are (I am) in fact not okay and what happened hurt!
Yep, today almost broke me! But today exposed that I was already broken. That I was already done and that all the things I had convinced myself were okay, were not okay. Have you ever gotten to the place of “yep I’m whole, but I’ve been telling my self a whole lie”! My crown slipped a bit today, but at the moment of it falling completely off, I was reminded of whose I was and who I was. I was reminded that:
“The Lord is my Shepherd”
“Greater is He that is in me, than He that is in the World”
“It is the Lord who will fight my battles”
“I am more than a conqueror”
“For I know the plans that I have for you”
I was reminded to fix my crown and wipe my face. Today was not about winning or showing force. Today was set to remind me that God is in control at all times, not just the times I feel that I am not. Somebody prayed for me today and it was those prayers that kept me from making an emotional decision based on temporary situation. It was the Holy Spirit that sat me down and focused my mind on God. The words that were hidden in my heart kept my crown from hitting the floor.
When we run from the truth of pressure, frustration, anxiety, and truth, we limit our ability to experience the magnitude of growth. There is power in being able to realize where and when we are weak. For it is in our weakness that He is made strong. I write this as a reminder to myself and to whoever happens to read this. That you are stronger than you think you are and capable to climb, conquer, and destroy every mountain.
Fix your crown and wipe your face! You are WHOLE:
( W )hen ( H )e ( O )versees ( L )ife ( E )veryday
Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the thoughts (plans) that I think toward you, saith the LORD, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end.”
John 14:27 “Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.
Be blessed y’all!